We’ve been talking about little details that can help with the wedding process. These are things that as a planner I’d wanted to share with you because we all need a little help along the way. Another exciting topic we are going to talk about (and it is a good one) is premarital counseling.
It is so easy to get caught up in planning the wedding. We create vision boards, have color schemes and financial plans of how to achieve the perfect wedding day. We hire wedding planners to ensure that the day goes smoothly, we track budgets and screen vendors to ensure that they are the right fit for us as individuals and that our personalities agree. Can I tell you that the wedding day is only the beginning? We put so much effort in the day, shouldn’t we think about the rest of our lives as well?
We get caught up in the excitement of wearing the ring. And we are supposed to. As humans, we crave relationships. We are our best selves when we have right relationships. When it comes to marriage though, we should have our best efforts plugged into to making our marriages successful. Now, you may be thinking, wow, she is a wedding planner, why is she talking like this?
Let me tell you why.
From experience, couples have gone from really close and in love (my fiancée or fiancé is my best friend) to the brink of calling it off because coming into agreement on a decision became difficult.The planning process is often when the first signs of how couples handle conflict come to light. In a healthy marriage, conflicts will happen. How conflict is handled determines whether love will remain or resentment will start. Looking at statistics in America today, half of the marriages (meticulously planned and executed) end in divorce. As your planner, I want us to win in life, so I feel it is my duty to equip you for the new venture that you about to embark on.
As such, I feel that sharing about premarital counseling is imperative for the survival of our marriages. After the honeymoon phase, it is little things that can derail what was a beautiful relationship. The little things that you thought were cute, become annoying real fast when you realize it isn’t a quirk. What if it is your partner’s thought process? You cannot change a person’s thought process. Only them can change it.
Counseling opens our eyes to the mindset that our partner has and helps us to learn to deal accordingly. We have to learn our partner’s love language and how to deal with situations in a language that us and our partners can understand. Now, I will be honest with you. There are always red flags of things that can become a problem later. If we pay attention to them and deal with them early, it will not grow into a problem. If you are like me, I ignored counseling and later desperately clung to “love covers a multitude of sins” (I grew up in church).
Can I tell you that love isn’t enough? A friend of mine (he passed away earlier this year, God rest his soul) always said, love, is a verb. It is funny that we tend to get high on the euphoria being in love brings. But love is. It is action. That lesson is a hard one to learn because we believe love is only a feeling. There will be days when you don’t feel in love (sorry to peel back the curtain on marriage, I want you to succeed) but you have to purposefully commit yourself because love is action, not just feeling.
A compass is needed to travail territory that had not been travailed before. Counseling is like the compass for marriage. It provokes thought which provokes conversations that were probably glossed over in the creation of a dream life together. Do you know that marriage should be purposeful just like every other dream that you have? For instance, do you have a vision for your marriage? What about conversations about the steps that will get you to that dream?
Without planning for your future together, there will be lots of days in the fetal position. There will be things that you don’t feel equipped to deal with. Having premarital counseling though? You have that compass that will point you in the direction of where to start so that you can chart a way through your situation. After all, we can’t wait to begin our lives as husband and wife. So, let’s create vision boards for our marriages, even as we create the vision for wedding days. Let’s win at life together. We are our best selves when we have healthy relationships - always better, together.
What are your thoughts?